I met your father today

I met your father today
He was an okay men
He didn’t look anything like you, talk anything like you
He had none of that easy going charm you have,
Rather the look of a man who’d lived his time and was sitting back,
waiting for time to take its toll, for the next drama to unfold
Just tired.
With none of the hope and promise that shines in your eyes
He doesn’t look like you either
He has the disillusioned look of a man who thought he had forever to find happiness
But met struggles with the economy and fought to build himself a name
Married the first nice girl that came along, had children
And as the years sped by, so did his youth,
His quest for happiness was slipping further and further out of his fingers
Until the day he realized that his son was halfway on the path he once sought for himself
And despite financial success and continued lineage that should have been happiness
He wasn’t happy.
The spark was gone from his eyes, the fire.
He was resigned to sit back and wait for time to take its toll.
I met your father today. And I met in him the men of the future.
The men who lived hoping for everything but tantamounted to nothing.

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Beauty

We live in a society where physical beauty is valued beyond all other forms of beauty. And not only that, this version of perfection is within boundaries as well. For one to be termed as beautiful, she must have skin of a light complexion and a body of generous curvaceousness.
Beyond or below that and you fall out of the general perception of beautiful. Sadly, many a woman have inevitably caved in to society’s demands and gone above and beyond to conform to this trend, consequences be dammed. Surgery, seemingly witchcraft oriented elixirs and medical faux pass have been committed in the pursuit of beauty by societal demand. Some close to us.
I personally fall short in meeting these demands for I am neither fair-skinned nor curvaceous and therefore do not fulfil the public expectations of beauty, by which is the only perception of women that there is today, in spite of changing times. However, I personally do not believe for one second that I am not beautiful. I am beautiful because I can use my mind to determine that me falling short in public perception does not lower my value, nor does it make me want to lower my value. I am beautiful in the most quintessential way that transcends the physical and supercedes the average mental. I should be considered not just for how I look, but for the most important human traits of kindness, love, devotion, ambition, tireless efforts to fulfil my own fantasies and leave a legacy. The fact that I am not fair-skinned means that I need to work twice as hard to get half the appreciation but I will work and tire and slave but I will not change to fulfil the expectations of acceptance by a society that has refused to accept me as I am.
I will not take pills or dab lotions just to earn a decade worth of admiration. I will continue my belief in my natural untainted beauty, whether I am considered vain. I will not consider the views of a society that cannot see beyond the surface to appreciate my views, which are relevant and urgent.
And I will continue my pursuit of happiness and earn the title “materialistic”  extravagant and frivolous for as long as I feed off the sweat of my efforts. No one will touch me. And I will continue to pray for a change in the views that do not expand to include myself and other individuals to fit into the general perception of beauty but I will not expand my beliefs to include the view that I am not beautiful just because everyone else says so. I will continue to reject the society that continues to reject me. I will continue to be myself, and I will continue to not apologize for it. And I will continue to pity those that were not strong enough to see that they were beautiful all along, but we are not all born with natural Self-assurance.
I will continue to say I am beautiful, not basing on the opinions of others, but because I know that God created me in an image of perfection, and no mortal or otherwise being can tell me that I am not.

Losing you

Losing you meant losing me
I had carried you so long that you’d become part of me
I lost my life, my spirit, my self and I had to start building again from scratch
I didn’t want to, though. I was suddenly content to fall apart and stay apart in fine little shards
I couldn’t master the force that had given me energy to fulfill everyday with optimism before I lost you
I couldn’t eat less enough or sleep enough, or beat myself down enough to ration why I lost you
I couldn’t escape the ghosts that told me that I loved you in ways bigger and deeper that I’d ever let myself acknowledge
For longer than I’d let myself acknowledge, and that I wouldn’t be stopping to soon
Losing you was like going to rehab for a drug that I would relapse on everyday and every second
That I would never let leave my system, addicted and enslaved
was in love and destined to have it explode in my face
Losing you.
I’ll never understand how I feel now, nor do I wish to
I only know that I’m not the same person I was before, I should be able to hold a smile
I should be able to enjoy my blessings, the best year of my life but I can’t
I should be able meet someone else and care about them, even if it’s just a fraction of what I felt for you
I should be looking for someone else but I can’t
I should be able love the life I’m living, of comfort and tranquility but my heart is tumultuous
Like my feelings for you and the shreds of confusion that still hold us together
It’s here and I can’t appreciate it in the least. I’m weak
I’m sad, I’m unstable and I’m lost, hollow, and I know it’s all wrong.
Losing you was losing direction
It was my nightmares incarnation in real life.
You’ll never know what losing you meant for me, it’s not something you can see. I’ll pick up every piece and finally be free.

Dust to dust

At the beginning of our story, the most ordinary

Secret looks and longing, hidden desires thrown to the moonlight for solace and comfort

The bane of our lifetime together, hoping to be cocooned in you forever

Now a bitter dream dwindling in the dust

Torn apart by circumstances etched in our fate

This desire taken apart by you and I

Because it was born to die.

Known to in the deepest of deeps,

On our blank canvas of dreams

You were the elements.

You were the elements.

as if they fit seamlessly into your existence

As opposed to you fitting into theirs

The moon in your eyes reflecting

The unnatural ultra violet within

Stars, that can only be magical touch

For those in your orbit.

Dark nights like your dark skin

Truly undeniably African within.

Snow for the tears and fears

That numb your soul

Sometimes that makes it hard to go on. But you always find a way back home.

The sun in your gaze

Which brings all that is hidden in me to light.

The sky for your imagination, talents, limits

That will be endless and obsolete.

Wind and rain for your tempestuousness and unpredictabilities

Love in your heart, and dew on your lashes.

As you lay on a bed of dreams and green

At one with your true self, I think two things;

You fascinate me

Make me want to be in your stratosphere

      2. You scare me

Because you found your element in being the elements

But I have not found mine.

              

           Natozo Karen 28/02/16

Shattered

This one beauty; ever so unique and precious

Is falling to pieces all around me

It is more than what I feel for you and you for me

More than the forces beyond our control that say we cannot be

More than what I expected it to be

But less than what  is hidden in me, filled in my dreams

This affliction that I know is true

And is not enough anymore.

Transition

What is transition exactly? Most might call it morphing-physically. Some mentally, others spiritually (for those who believe in God).
To me, it’s all and none of these things. Because I am a big person on the ‘what if’s’, I say, ‘what if transition is simply a state of mind?’ growth cannot be a transition because it is inevitable.
Transition, however, can be called upon at any time of your life. After a life changing experience, or when you realize your life isn’t going as you want it to, so you want to change it. And you search deep inside you for exactly what you want to change it and why. Mostly, it makes you internalize your whole life. But in the end, it’s up to change, afterall; it is only a state of mind.
So isn’t it why some people never grow up? Never get over their obsession with their mothers or fathers and cling to that irritating childish character that has you watching Ben 10 instead of instead of Jersey Shore when you are 26.
Well, it might be cute to, but to me. 1 word, 8 letters, ANNOYING. Extremely, 1 word, 10 letters, IRRITATING. Not to mention, REALLY PATHETIC. But, never mind, I have anger issues.
Although I’d like to think that a lot of people to not comprehend the significance of transition. It’s simple, if you want to get married and stay married, drop the party ways. If you want a girlfriend, grow up. If you want people to take you seriously, don’t dress like Lady Gaga. Lastly, if you want success, believe in God.
The point is that if we do not go through a transition, our lives can be seriously headed in the wrong direction. But then again, it is only a state of mind.

To transition.